Donald Trump: A Real A-Hole.

FROM THE REVEREND RAMONA RESIDENTIAL LIBRARY - CIRCA 2007:

Let’s face it, Donald Trump is a big A-hole. I know it. You know it. Jesus knows it. I always thought the guy was kind of creepy, but after he started making fun of Miss Rosie O’Donnell, I just lost my patience with this freak of nature.

Today I read on the Web that Donald is busting into the furniture market, selling ugly chairs for $350 - $550. He also felt the need to take a jab at Miss Rosie O’Donnell:

“Someone asked me how Rosie O’Donnell would like these chairs. They’re not strong enough,” Trump said. “We’d have to have made them stronger.”

My hair is real. Real scary!

What an A-hole. I already emailed Staples on their website to tell them I am no longer buying my paper punches and stickers from their store. I’ve also designed a chair of my own, which is much more affordable, and - in my opinion - a better design than the Trump Bordello Chair.

I’ve taken a beautiful streamlined white Wal Mart chair and stuck a big round Jesus sticker (that came from the Dollar Bin, not Staples) right there on it. I call it “Jesus Got Your Back” chair. I think it is wonderful, and a great bargain at only
$10$20.

"Oh my! I'll take two!"

You can place your chair orders now.Thanks!
R.R.

I made a B-day cake for my ho friend

Reduced For Quick Sale-meets-Ice n Easy

Celebrity Twitter: Kirstie Alley

I love tweeting celebs on Twitter. They are so nice!

When actress Kirstie Alley was trying to bust Fake Steve Buscemi for being fake, I made this tweet:

"The FakeSteveB is all over the Net acting like his crass trickery's some kind of Art. If that's Art, my dog just shit a Monet."

To which Kirstie Alley replied: "That was HIlarious..re fake Steve buscemi..I all for everyone getting 15 min of fame..just not under the guise of someone else."

• Follow Kirstie Alley on Twitter

Celebrity Twitter: Melissa Gilbert

You all know Melissa Gilbert. Not only was she the most famous TV actress ever, she also has appeared in many many movies, PLUS she was the president of the SAG. That has nothing to do with boobs.

Anyhow, she and her Twitter buddy Kirstie Alley were talking about getting old and posting funny videos, and I chimed in with this:

"ha! here's one of you and Kirstie and Alison Arngrim in 30 years!"

Melissa herself replied back: "@reverendramona nice one"

Thanks! And be sure to follow Melissa Gilbert on Twitter.

Sex or pasta salad?

Jesus does work in mysterious ways. This is so mysterious. He uses sex and naked bodies to preach to us all to feed his hungry people. I kept seeing this one photo on my Friends list and I thought it was pasta salad.

But if you click the pic, it becomes a pile of hot writhing sexual flesh. I know this is Our Lord’s way of saying "Stop screwing around and feed all my hungry ones."

See if you can tell the difference between sex and pasta salad. Click your choice below and see if you guessed right. And feed the hungry, my disciples!

Betty Butterfield: The Brady Bunch

The Jesus Cafe

Check out the menu that one of those menu people stuffed under my damn M tel room door while I was out working. Holy cow, it’s for real! More signs of The Coming, my disciples!

Anyone want to split a bucket of Hot Angel Wings?

Betty Nut

My next door neighbor lady, at the Dee-Lite M tel. She is cooking creamed corn. The Jesus picture is a gift from me. It is nice.

The Lord looks over us

Ramona: The Authorized Biography

WHAT CURSE WORD DO YOU USE THE MOST?
The Ef one.

DO YOU STILL REMEMBER THE FIRST PERSON YOU KISSED?
No, but I remember my first half-n-half.

DO YOU WEAR FLIP FLOPS WHEN IT'S COLD?
I usually wear Go Go Boots.

WHAT CD IS CURRENTLY IN YOUR CD PLAYER?
I have a Debbie Gibson tape I like to listen to, in my boom box.

DO YOU PREFER REGULAR OR CHOCOLATE MILK?
Yes.

CAN YOU WHISTLE?
If I run fast enough in my plastic pants.

DO YOU OWN ANY BAND T-SHIRTS?
No, but I have about 23 casino tees.

EVER CRY IN PUBLIC?
If a guy has a fetish for it. I usually charge extra.

WHAT IS THE ONE POSSESSION YOU COULDN’T LIVE WITHOUT?
Pants, I guess. I can’t afford to get arrested again this soon.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?
No, but sometimes I fake it.

ARE YOU PICKY ABOUT SPELLING AND GRAMMAR?
I don’t take checks.

My Courteny Cox makeover

Oh my God! It only cost $20!

Before & After

I made a craft

I decided to make a craft that I could sell on eBay. It's a monkey made out of a paper bag. I'm not sure it turned out right, but I hope someone will bid on it...

the pattern...

the finished craft...

Do these pantyhose make me look fat?

Oh hell

Peek-a-boo Dancing Pole for Girls

Peek-a-Boo Pole Dancing Kit for girls

Oh wow, this is a great X-mas gift for every little kid on your gift list. I could have made a lot more money in my teen years had I only had this super toy to learn routines with.

And just remember: the more money your little teen stripper can make, the more money she can put in the collection plate at church. Praise be!

The Day After

O Christmas Tree...

Christmas - what a hell of a holiday. I didn’t get any tricks and then my little red kettle was stolen by a woman in one of those motorized carts. I went out onto Ogden the next day, hoping the sharks were biting. But all I ended up with was a Christmas tree that some uppity wench chucked out of the back of a fast moving SUV. The damn thing hit me and put me out of commission for the day.Shoot. If I see that bitch, I’m going to give her a piece of my mind! And make her give me 20 bux!

FROM THE REVEREND RAMONA RESIDENTIAL LIBRARY - CIRCA 2005:


Lord, I did a stupid thing yesterday. You know those red kettles that seem to attract bell-ringing idiots? I stole one. The kettle, not the bell-ringing idiot. But the one I grabbed and ran with had no bux inside. Dang!I decided to set up my little pot in front of the Free Clinic to solicit donations, but I couldn’t seem to attract anyone with a bell. I stood there and waved my own arm and went “ding ding” for awhile, but nada bux. So if anyone wants to put a 10 in my kettle, could you make it 20?

In the Lord’s Love,

Rev. Ramona

Hey all my Jesus Freaks!

FROM THE REVEREND RAMONA RESIDENTIAL LIBRARY - CIRCA 2005:

This is what a drug haze looks like...

Hi, all my happy freaks for Jesus! The Reverend Ramona is now online and ready to spread the Good Word! I may be a hooker, but I love the Lord. You can usually find me in beautiful downtown Las Vegas turning tricks or preaching about God’s love.

Here is a pic of me getting ready to give a big Shout Out to the Man Upstairs on my weekly Bible broadcast “Rockin’ with Ramona!” broadcast on the big screen on Fremont Street.

I’ll be signing autographs at the Free Clinic next week, too, so keep your peepers open for me.

Praise God!